Fears

I'm scared to tell people. I feel like people aren't going to take it well. And in a way I just feel stupid for wanting to change my name. I mean there is a lot about me that I hate or don't like, so what if I hate my name? What makes it so hard is having trans friends who change their names because of the gendered nature of their birth names. Its not because they hate their names. I guess I feel shallow and pathetic. I'm causing trouble for people that I really shouldn't be.

Not to mention, I feel like my family is going to be so mad at me. I know my mother wont be happy that I am rejecting the name she picked and my dad will probably make uncomfortable mocking of Maxine to help cope. Dad likes to mock names, its his thing.

My two best friends talked with me today about it and they said they would try their best, which is completely fine by me. It'll take me a while to get used to responding to Maxie let alone them processing it in their heads. But that did make me feel a little better, I just cant get over how selffish I feel over the name change thing. I hope this feeling passes soon.