Acceptance

I never expected to be writing a post about my family accepting who I am. But my dad is accepting calling me Max or Maxine. In all actuality I got confused when I called him and he said "hi, Max" I thought I dialed the wrong number. Sadly, however, since the Christmas letter contained the info about my name change, my mom's mother knows and is questioning this. I don't want to tell her, I don't want to communicate with her, I want absolutely nothing to do with this woman. She is not my family, she's the evil woman who bore my mother, that makes her kin but not "family." I have ""family"" that I have never even met.

Theatre Game Plan

Spring 2011:

Classes:
Acting for Everyone
Stage Makeup :)

Extra Curricular:
Glass Menagerie: Light Crew
Fools: Light Crew(a little), Set Crew(a little)

Fall 2011:

Classes:
Lighting Design 1
Theatre History
RAW for Theatre
Intro to Production

Extra Curricular:
Doubt: Light Crew, ASM, Props
Dripping Spiral: Master Electrician, Light Performer, Random Techie, props, PR (anything Emily needed)
The King Stag: Light Crew, Light Board Op, Random Techie Stuff, Hair Designer
The Who's Tommy: Spot Op

Spring 2012:

Classes:
Movement
Intro to Theatre
Lighting 2
CMST Performance in our Everyday Lives
Women's Choir  ???

Extra Curricular:
Drowsy Chaperone: ASM, Light Crew
Talking to Terrorists: Stage Manager, Light Crew
???? The Vagina Monologues:  Acting(hopefully)

Drama: Conflict Resolution

I don't believe in conflict resolution. No matter what my name is. I hate the concept of talking about feelings and more so I hate people telling me that there is a problem that I need to resolve, when I don't have a problem or I've accepted the problem. I worked out my problem with my roomie and things are good. I did that by choice. I, however, do not like nor feel respected by my suitemates and therefore I do not want to maintain a relationship with them. I don't like many of them and with this passive aggressive thing they are doing, I hate them more. I have one pet peeve in the bathroom and that's not being able to see out of the mirror, which they insist on writing on. I don't say anything and just deal with it, why can't they just deal with shit. Its part of living with other people. I am basically just trying to ignore what bothers me to avoid conflict. I don't get why these damn people think that meeting will fix these problems.

Violence

Is violence always wrong? No. I believe that it can be okay for people to hit each other as long as it doesn't get out of hand and people do not actually get hurt. One of my guy friends and I hit each other all the time. We naturally have violent tempers plus its still awkward to show affection towards each other. We now hug but its easier for us to rough house. If one of us does something stupid we Gibbs-slap each other. We threaten and smack each other around. Its all in good fun and we would never actually hurt each other. I also did this in high school with my guy friends. My best friend and I were very violent, to the point of almost bruises. I don't understand why my roommate cannot handle any type of violence. I understand that she was in an abusive relationship, but if she's not the one participating in the violence, I don't understand why she gets defensive and angry. I like having my techie friends hit me and being able to hit them. It keeps us in line and sane, I don't see it as abuse and it doesn't bother me, so if it doesn't bother me, when it is happening to me, I don't understand how it is a problem and why other people feel the need to intervene.

My Name is Max

My Name is Max
Go Fish at MOVIECLIPS.com

I love this speech. It is amazing and for the most part it seems to apply, except not the dyke part. I am not a dyke and neither is the person I would direct this towards. It still works though.
       
         At this moment we're supposed to be sitting on our couch together reading and playing footsie absent-      
         mindedly. My name is Max. I wanna borrow your t-shirts and wake you up when I have bad dreams.
         Burst inot a smile when we're fighting cause you're too adorable. Pinch your butt when you're walking 
         up the stairs in front of me. My name is Max. Make up a name that only you'd call me. Make it
         something you'd be embarrassed to call me absently in public. Fall in love with me. We were supposed
         to meet so long ago. We're way behind. It's Max. My name is Max.

Its funny how you can find a person that you seem to click with, but it can never just fall into place. I just want to fall in love and have that person fall in love with me. I want to fall in love with my best friend (at least someone who could become my best friend) I dont just want a boyfriend, I want someone to be my partner. Be the person who supports my insane endeavors, encourages me and loves me not just in spite of my flaws but because of my flaws. I do feel like I am asking too much.

Making it Legal

Because of all the financial troubles I am running into, I don't know when I will be able to make my name official and legal. I really wanted it done before Spring semester. I feel it will eliminate a lot of confusion and I'll be happier. As long as my name is not my own, I feel that I am not who I want to be and can easily slip back into who I was.

Anger Cannot Heal

I never would have said this a year ago, but I now know that you cannot heal through anger. Being angry at someone for something they did to you, just is a waste of energy on your part and it throws negativity about. I used to be an angry person, before I became Maxine. I felt two emotions: numb and anger. I did not know how to deal with things and I found getting angry about them was my only solution. Over the summer, I stopped being that hostile. I saw the damage my anger did to me and others. I am not advocating avoiding justice or punishment when necessary but to make revenge your life's ambition, is a pointless task. Gloating about your revenge and walking about calling it justice is not right. Yes, if you commit a crime, you do the time, that time does not include psychological abuse and character assassination of the guilty party. I know they will never really get it. They are still in a child mentality. I've grown up, I don't need to blame someone for all the problems in my life.